Cue the Jaws Music

This past Saturday, my husband and I made a little expedition up to The Mall.

To give you a little background, I used to looooove going to the mall. Shopping was one of my very favorite pastimes. But then, my Inner Fat Girl got loose. And when she did, clothing stores, along with their dressing rooms, turned into torture chambers filled with funhouse mirrors.

I cried. I threw tantrums. And finally, I just stopped going. Before Saturday, I hadn’t been on a Serious Shopping Trip in almost three years.

The night before, I was so anxious, I couldn’t sleep. I woke up in a foul mood and snarled at my husband all the way to the mall. When we stepped inside the first store (H&M, in case you’re curious), I was convinced everybody was staring at me—wondering if I’d gotten lost on my way to the fat girl store. By the time I actually found myself in a fitting room, I was well on my way to having a nervous breakdown.

But then something amazing happened. I pulled on a skirt, sucked in my stomach and pulled up the zipper. And…it zipped.

At first, I thought it was a fluke.

So I tried on another skirt. And a couple of shirts. And then some more skirts. And more shirts—this time, button downs. And even, feeling really brave, some pants.

And they fit. They didn’t all look good, but they zipped, buttoned, fastened…generally covering the areas they were supposed to cover without making my body look like a stress ball that’s been squished one too many times.

In the end, I bought seven shirts and two skirts at H&M.

And that was just the beginning.

In fact, I managed to spend more money in a single day than I’ve spent on clothes in the last three years combined. I even got a bathing suit. Not a bikini (no one needs to see that), but a bathing suit.

It felt good.

My husband, bless his heart, soldiered through the day without a single word of complaint. He waited patiently outside fitting rooms, giving advice when asked, keeping his mouth shut when he wasn’t.

But when we finally arrived home, he got very, very drunk—something he doesn’t do very often.

I think I’ll drag some of my girlfriends next time.

Published in: on March 25, 2008 at 2:14 pm  Comments (1)  

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  1. Hey, at least you didn’t get stuck in a skirt…
    Remember when I thought it would be a good idea to go shopping without any underwear? I tried on a skirt and the zipper broke. That was NOT fun.

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